Category Archives: Relationship Guide
It’s been said, on the first day of their marriage, wife and husband decided and agreed not to open the door for anyone!
- Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
- Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
- Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
Get anyone to like you – Instantly – Guaranteed
If you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves. This golden rule of friendship works every time – guaranteed! The principle is straightforward. If I meet you and make you feel good about yourself, you will like me and seek every opportunity to see me again to reconstitute the same good feeling you felt the first time we met. Unfortunately, this powerful technique is seldom used because we are continually focused on ourselves and not others. We put our wants and needs before the wants and needs of others. The irony is that people will fulfill your wants and needs in any way they can if they like you.
Getting married is the most fascinating step of your life but not before you realize its real implications in your life. Sooner or later this stage comes and then your struggle starts… In case you are planning one such tragedy in your life, here are some useful signs to help you re-think your strategy…
Whenever my phone rings at 3 in the morning, it makes me nervous. And for good reason, since no conversation I’ve ever had at any wee hour has ever been good news (except for the occasional booty call from my then-boo back in college, but that’s a different kind of walk down memory lane).
A must read for every men & women; whether, married or not…
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
For women who get hitched in their 20s, divorcing in the first couple of years has become a common pattern now, and most of them go through this horrifying phase even before hitting 30.
While the factors behind every relationship’s downfall are different, the underlying impetus behind marriage is similar for some of the women.
For women, who maintain a comfortable long-term relationship in their 20s, the next logical step is to get hitched, mainly because they find it convenient. Madison, a 29 year-old accountant from New Jersey admitted to marrying even though she didn’t feel ‘crazy love’, because was ‘content and secure instead’, Huffington Post quoted her as telling.
Many times it is a previous relationship, which leaves a woman heartbroken and propels them to marry ‘Mr Wrong’. They say you never really get over your first love.
“I didn”t think I would ever fall in love again so I figured it didn’t matter who I married,” said Tara, a 26 year-old freelance writer from North Carolina.
There are many women who take the decision of getting married simply because they hope that marriage would change things. For instance, Casey, a 35 year-old travel correspondent thought that once she settled into newlywed bliss, her ex-husband would be happier with his own life, will be able to hold a steady job and show her more affection. However, in due course Casey, who married at 24, found her ex husband “immature and insecure”.
Then there are instances when women hasten to tie the nuptial knot apparently because of low self-esteem. “I was a very insecure individual at that time. I was losing weight from gastric bypass surgery and wasn’t happy with my appearance. He told me I couldn’t do any better and I believed him,” said Kim, a 30 year-old social worker.
There is not one main reason, which can be blamed for getting married. There are women who had a clue that their marriages were not meant to be but still went ahead with it anyway.
These interviews were conducted for the book ‘Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s’.
Source: Hindustan Times
You don’t have to settle, it’s simply a choice you make every day. If you feel like you’re running in place there’s a good chance you’re tolerating things you shouldn’t be. It’s time to reclaim your life.
Starting now, stop tolerating…
- People Who Bring You Down. – Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and like-minded.
- A Work Environment Or Career Field You Hate. – Don’t settle on the first or second career field you dabble in. Keep searching. Eventually you will find work you love to do. If you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
- Your Own Negativity. – Be aware of your mental self-talk. We all talk silently to ourselves in our heads, but we aren’t always conscious of what we’re saying or how it’s affecting us. Start listening to your thoughts. If you hear negative thoughts, stop and replace them with positive thoughts.
- Unnecessary Communication. – Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Speak clearly. Ask questions. Clarify things until you understand them.
- A Disorganized Living And Working Space. – Clear the clutter. Get rid of stuff you don’t use.
- Your Own Tardiness. – Get up 30 minutes earlier so you don’t have to rush around like a mad man. That 30 minutes will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness and other unnecessary headaches.
- Pressure To Fit In With The Crowd. – Oftentimes, the only reason others want you to fit in is that once you do they can ignore you and go about their business. Don’t conform. Be you, because that’s the only person you can be.
- An Unhealthy Body. – Your health is your life. Don’t let it go. Eat right, exercise and get an annual physical check-up.
- Fear Of Change. – Life is change. Every day is different. Every day is a new beginning and a new ending. Embrace it and make the best of it.
- All Work And No Play. – Enjoy yourself and have a little fun while you can. If you’re smiling, you’re doing something right.
- People Or Beauty Ads That Make You Feel Inadequate. – Good looks attracts the eyes. Personality attracts the heart. Be proud to be you. You are already beautiful.
- Not Getting Enough Sleep. – A tired mind is rarely productive.
- Doing The Same Exact Thing Over And Over Again. – You are the sum of your life experiences. The more you experience, the more interesting your life story gets.
- Personal Greed. – Don’t let greed and deceit get the best of you. Greed will bury even the lucky eventually.
- A Mounting Pile Of Debt. – Always live well below your means. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Always sleep on big purchases. Create a budget and savings plan and stick to them.
- Dishonesty. – Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless. Period. Don’t be dishonest and don’t put up with people who are.
- Infidelity. – Intimate relationships are a sacred bond – a circle of trust. If both parties aren’t 100% onboard the relationship isn’t worth fighting for.
- An Unsafe Home. – If you don’t feel safe at home you’ll never feel safe anywhere. Build a loving household in a safe area that you are proud to call ‘home.’
- Being Unprepared. – Life is unpredictable. And there’s a big difference between being scared and being prepared. Always be prepared.
- Inaction. – Either you’re going to take action and seize new opportunities or someone else will. You can’t change anything or make any sort of progress by sitting back and thinking about it.
One of the quickest ways to spread the sunny rays of happiness over your life is to directly confront the negative attitudes darkening your doorstep.
While neither universal nor all-encompassing, the joy-stealing attitudes and corresponding cures listed below are common enough to warrant a thumbtack on the wall of many lives, including my own.
1. Jealousy: Destroy the green monster by celebrating the successes of others. If your friend succeeds, celebrate his victory as your own; if your enemy succeeds, remind yourself that jealousy is self-defeating, pointless, and merely extends an enemy’s power over you.
2. Persecution Complex: Recognize that persecution is irrelevant, since you (and only you) control the outcome of your life. Every person has a stack of obstacles placed before him; success hinges upon your ability to overcome the obstacles in your path, persecution or no.
3. Lack of Accountability: We may not control every bad thing that happens to us, but we do control how we react to those bad things. Instead of passing the buck, take responsibility for every failure so you can learn and grow.
4. Perfectionism: Stop nit picking. Perfection is rarely attainable and seldom necessary. You’re a person, not a robot. Use the 80/20 Rule whenever appropriate.
5. Excessive Reasoning: Man is blessed with a marvelous and astounding ability to reason. At its best, this ability facilitates accomplishment; at its worst, it causes spirals of perfectionism, over-thinking, and paralysis by analysis. If it’s clear you’re in a situation that cannot be improved through logic and reason, learn to let go.
6. Negativism: Remind yourself that there are just as many positive forces in the world as negative ones; your fixation on the negative is a matter of perspective and choice.
cures7. Assuming the Worst of Others: There is a fine line between guarding against a realistic threat and being needlessly defensive. Make sure you haven’t crossed that line. Whenever possible, give people the benefit of the doubt.
8. Low Self-Esteem: Raise your self-esteem by recognizing your accomplishments and positive qualities; further boost it by correcting the problem areas that drag you down.
9. Low Self-Efficacy: Self-efficacy is defined as faith in your ability to achieve a desired outcome. To overcome low self-efficacy, master the skills required to reach your objective. Practice, practice, practice.
10. Feelings of Meaninglessness: Inject meaning into your life by learning to follow your passion: that internal compass, guiding you toward fulfillment. Read my synergy series of articles for more information; if you disagree with my approach for discovering purpose, pioneer your own.
Unhappiness is both self-defined and self-imposed (meaning a person who believes himself happy is), so if you’re capable of controlling your mental state without examining its constituent elements, I stand in awe of your mental abilities and politely leave you to your devices.
On the other hand, if you’re like most people I’ve known (myself included) and occasionally feel unhappy for reasons that cannot be swept under the rug, review this list of 10 self-destructive attitudes and corresponding cures.
By understanding the source of your unhappiness, you can take the steps required to climb out of the hole of despair and into the sunlight of happiness.
Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860), was a brilliant German philosopher. These 38 Stratagems are excerpts from “The Art of Controversy”, first translated into English and published in 1896.
Schopenhauer’s 38 ways to win an argument are:
Carry your opponent’s proposition beyond its natural limits; exaggerate it. The more general your opponent’s statement becomes, the more objections you can find against it. The more restricted and narrow his or her propositions remain, the easier they are to defend by him or her.
Use different meanings of your opponent’s words to refute his or her argument.
Ignore your opponent’s proposition, which was intended to refer to a particular thing. Rather, understand it in some quite different sense, and then refute it. Attack something different than that which was asserted.
Hide your conclusion from your opponent till the end. Mingle your premises here and there in your talk. Get your opponent to agree to them in no definite order. By this circuitious route you conceal your game until you have obtained all the admissions that are necessary to reach your goal.
Use your opponent’s beliefs against him. If the opponent refuses to accept your premises, use his own premises to your advantage.
Another plan is to confuse the issue by changing your opponent’s words or what he or she seeks to prove.
State your proposition and show the truth of it by asking the opponent many questions. By asking many wide-reaching questions at once, you may hide what you want to get admitted. Then you quickly propound the argument resulting from the opponent’s admissions.
Make your opponent angry. An angry person is less capable of using judgement or perceiving where his or her advantage lies.
Use your opponent’s answers to your questions to reach different or even opposite conclusions.
If your opponent answers all your questions negatively and refuses to grant any points, ask him or her to concede the opposite of your premises. This may confuse the opponent as to which point you actually seek them to concede.
If the opponent grants you the truth of some of your premises, refrain from asking him or her to agree to your conclusion. Later, introduce your conclusion as a settled and admitted fact. Your opponent may come to believe that your conclusion was admitted.
If the argument turns upon general ideas with no particular names, you must use language or a metaphor that is favorable in your proposition.
To make your opponent accept a proposition, you must give him or her an opposite, counter-proposition as well. If the contrast is glaring, the opponent will accept your proposition to avoid being paradoxical.
Try to bluff your opponent. If he or she has answered several of your questions without the answers turning out in favor of your conclusion, advance your conclusion triumphantly, even if it does not follow. If your opponent is shy or stupid, and you yourself possess a great deal of impudence and a good voice, the trick may easily succeed.
If you wish to advance a proposition that is difficult to prove, put it aside for the moment. Instead, submit for your opponent’s acceptance or rejection some true poposition, as thoug you wished to draw your proof from it. Should the opponent reject it because he or she suspects a trick, you can obtain your triumph by showing how absurd the opponent is to reject a true proposition. Should the opponent accept it, you now have reason on your own for the moment. You can either try to prove your original proposition or maintain that your original proposition is proved by what the opponent accepted. For this, an extreme degree of impudence is required.
When your opponent puts forth a proposition, find it inconsistent with his or her other statements, beliefs, actions, or lack of action.
If your opponent presses you with a counter proof, you will often be able to save yourself by advancing some subtle distinction. Try to find a second meaning or an ambiguous sense for your opponent’s idea.
If your opponent has taken up a line of argument that will end in your defeat, you must not allow him or her to carry it to its conclusion. Interrupt the dispute, break it off altogether, or lead the opponent to a different subject.
Should your opponent expressly challenge you to produce any objection to some definite point in his or her argument, and you have nothing much to say, try to make the argument less specific.
If your opponent has admitted to all or most of your premises, do not ask him or her directly to accept your conclusion. Rather draw the conclusion yourself as if it too had been admitted.
When your opponent uses an argument that is superficial, refute it by setting forth its superficial character. But it is better to meet the opponent with a counter argument that is just as superficial, and so dispose of him or her. For it is with victory that your are concerned, and not with truth.
If your opponent asks you to admit something from which the point in dispute will immediately follow, you must refuse to do so, declaring that it begs the question.
Contradiction and contention irritate a person into exaggerating his or her statements. By contractiong your opponent you may drive him or her into extending the statement beyond its natural limit. When you then contradict the exaggerated form of it, you look as though you had refuted the orginal statement your opponent tries to extend your own statement further than you intended, redefine your statement’s limits.
This trick consists in stating a false syllogism. Your opponent makes a proposition and by false inference and distortion of his or her ideas you force from the proposition other propositions that are not intended and that appear absurd. It then appears the opponent’s proposition gave rise to these inconsistencies, and so appears to be indirectly refuted.
If your opponent is making a generalization, find an instance to the contrary. Only one valid contradiciton is needed to overthrow the opponent’s proposition.
A brilliant move is to turn the tables and use your opponent’s arguments against him or herself.
Should your opponent surprise you by becoming particularly angry at an argument, you must urge it with all the more zeal. Not only will this make the opponent angry, it may be presumed that you put your finger on the weak side of his or her case, and that the opponent is more open to attack on this point than you expected.
This trick is chiefly practicable in a dispute if there is an audience who is not an expert on the subject. You make an invalid objection to your opponent who seems to be defeated in the eyes of the audience. This strategy is particularly effective if your objection makes the opponent look ridiculous or if the audience laughs. If the opponent must make a long, complicated explanation to correct you, the audience will not be disposed to listen.
If you find that you are being beaten, you can create a diversion that is, you can suddenly begin to talk of something else, as though it had bearing on the matter in dispose. This may be done without presumption if the diversion has some general bearing on the matter.
Make an appeal to authority rather than reason. If your opponent respects an authority or an expert, quote that authority to further your case. If needed, quote what the authority said in some other sense or circumstance. Authorities that your opponent fails to understand are those which he or she generally admires the most. You may also, should it be necessary, not only twist your authorities, but actually falsify them, or quote something that you have invented entirely yourself.
If you know that you have no reply to an argument that your opponent advances, you may, by a fine stroke of irony, declare yourself to be an incompetent judge.
A quick way of getting rid of an opponent’s assertion, or throwing suspicion on it, is by putting it into some odious category.
You admit your opponent’s premises but deny the conclusion.
When you state a question or an argument, and your opponent gives you no direct answer, or evades it with a counter question, or tries to change the subject, it is a sure sign you have touched a weak spot, sometimes without knowing it. You have as it were, reduced the opponent to silence. You must, therefore, urge the point all the more, and not let your opponent evade it, even when you do not know where the weakness that you have hit upon really lies.
This trick makes all unnecessary if it works. Instead of working on an opponent’s intellect, work on his or her motive. If you succeed in making your opponent’s opinion, should it prove true, seem distinctly to his or her own interest, the opponenent will drop it like a hot potato.
You may also puzzle and bewilder your opponent by mere bombast. If the opponent is weak or does not wish to appear as ife he or she has no idea what you are talking about, you can easily impose upon him or her some argument that sounds very deep or learned, or that sounds indisputable.
Should your opponent be in the right but, luckily for you, choose a faulty proof, you can easily refute it and then claim that you have refuted the whole position. This is the way which bad advocates lose a good case. If no accurate proof occurs to the opponent or the bystanders, you have won the day.
A last trick is to become personal, insulting and rude as soon as you perceive that your opponent has the upper hand. In becoming personal you leave the subject altogether, and turn your attack on the person by remarks of an offensive and spiteful character. This is a very popular trick, because everyone is able to carry it into effect.
(abstracted from the book:Numerical Lists You Never Knew or Once Knew and Probably Forget, by: John Boswell and Dan Starer)